Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Exposer is no place for a coward

I've never felt so depressed in my life. I guess having a home and a safe place is my comfort. I never knew trying to make people happy was such a daunting task and I feel drained. So when does the cortisol start kicking in? When do I go into fight mode and start making life my bitch. Or am I the  one that flees? Life was going so great. How could I let my guard down. Now, as I have no home, the semester comes and I haven't seriously studied once.. And I don't even care if I don't do well. That doesn't sound like me and I don't know what's wrong. From the student that's never been late or missed an assignment. I'm ready to surrender. Here's my white flag. You won.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Annual update...

!!!! And you guessed it, still doing the same thing as the last time I updated about myself. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing...
Today I just thought i'd do something different and blogging was just the thing. Maybe because I have way to much on my mind.
Don't you just hate when every negative thought comes to your mind. When you do nothing but feel sorry for yourself. Or when you feel like crying for no apparent reason. Yeah, I hate days like that too. I don't even know why I get in that mind set. I'm generally a happy person.
But a thought that always keeps reoccurring in my mind is... how much I hate my parents. And how much I envy people with good ones. I can't help but think how selfish my mom and dad are. What even makes an individual selfish? No one teaches it to their kids, it seems like a natural instinct? I don't understand. Anyway, that could be a whole other blog post in and of itself. I love my parents, promise. I just hate how they  are oblivious to their children. Now, here I am, fearing I'll turn out just like them... or better yet hating people that remind me of them. When someone is selfish or oblivious to other people. I can't help but clench my teeth together and try to let the moment pass. My only hope is probably my sister. The love she has for her kids is pure and her selflessness for them boggles my mind. Where did she learn that, certainty not from my parents. Where I'd be without her, I don't like to think about.
Anyway, I feel somewhat better.