Wednesday, February 27, 2013


Why can't I sleep, even though I'm exhausted. Why can't I eat, even though I'm starving.
Well, today is a different day and I already wish it was over. I wish I was home from school already and under my blankets that know how to comfort me and seems like they always know when I've had a less than appealing day. Plug my head phones in, and put the world on pause... Even if it is for two songs on pandora, then the 30 second commercial comes on and I'm briefly brought back to reality. Good thing it only last for 30 seconds.... Then I'm back.
Should I even go to school today? I'll just be a zombie if I do. I'll just be that overly nice, too quiet girl. That no one appreciates. Well, I cannot confirm nor deny that...
Only a few more class days and a handleful of work days and I can do what I want. Not sure what that exactly is.. Pack up and move somewhere? Take a vacation? Lay out in the sun all day?
Well, I'm going to go humor myself and at least enjoy my semi comfortable bed and peck at my 'protein breakfast' 3 egg whites, 1 yolk, and 4 oz carbs.

Friday, February 8, 2013

I suck.

ClickI guess some people are destened to be alone, forever. I guess I'm one of those people.
I honestly don't know how to be in a functional relationship.
You know those couples that start going out then not even two weeks later they say they "I love you". They move in with each other within a month and have joint Facebooks. Then 3 months later (a whole month more than you had predicted) they are broken up. *repeat cycle with different significat other* Yeah... i'd almost rather be in one of those realtionships. At least they know how to be in functional reationship more than me.
Me and my awkward affection.
Me and my no good emotion.
Me and my hate for opening up to people.
Me and my ignorance how to love another individual.
Me and my anti-social attitude.
Me and my fear of liking someone, then losing them.

I don't know how to get myself out of this phase. Time? Practice? Or acceptence that this is just how I am?
I confide in my roommate a lot. He tells me that I do know how to be in a functional relationship. But not everyone knows what kind of realtionship they're in.
I guess I see where he's coming from.