Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Short and to the point.

Don't you just love how things fall into place? I feel like whenever something bad happens, something good happens times ten fold. I've come to the realization that I can't make things how I want them to be, so I'm just going to accept that. It's been more rewarding than I thought. (:

I'm about to study my Microbiology... like a boss! No big deal (;
But, first I'm going to go make me some lunch. Speaking of "make".... make yourself a good day.

Oh, and keep your fingers crossed. For my Anthropology class, we have to attend a new culture. I want to go to the Hindu Church in West Jordan so bad! Hopefully this will work out.

P.s. I might update this later if I find time.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011


Has been a more than average day. I'm sitting here at school blogging. I like the atmosphere and the vibe I get from sitting here on this couch so I kind of look forward to coming here after class and blogging, reading, or other various activities.
I've been thinking that if I had one wish I would wish I would never have to eat again. I'd save so much money! :p Seriously though. But, on another note, I love eating... so, I might have to think of another wish.
Maybe if I could just eat for pure enjoyment, and not to sustain my health.

Could you imagine if everyone dressed the same? I'm talking like plain shirt, plain pants. Everyone was demanded to wear it 24/7. I think it kind of could be nice. People would look more on a personality rather than material status. Because clothes can say a lot about a person. In a good and bad way. But, of course that would get very boring.

Well, I'm done rambling now. (:

Sunday, March 27, 2011

I hate it when,

I anticipate somethings so much, then to my dismay I get let down. When will I learn?
This weekend has been pretty dang fun! Met some new friends, and seen some new places. I still have that feeling inside me where I'm not fully content... I don't know what is wrong with me.
I have the strongest urge to watch movies and cuddle with someone! I really need to get a life, haha. I don't know whats wrong with me, really! Cuddling just sounds really nice. :p

I've been craving a sandwich this week way bad!
I have so much on my mind right now, I just have no idea how to type it out... or if I should type it out... if I seriously typed it all out, it would be a never ending blog post. haha.
I usually have embarrassing stories to tell, but this has been a slow week!!! It actually went by fast.. but that is besides the point!
My bestie Marshall gave me a comic book to start reading. I'm excited! Watch out I'm going to become a nerd. Well, a bigger one than I already am. People at college look at me way weird when I pull out all my books I carry around. I have my normal book, then a dictionary, and a thesaurus. What? You don't carry around a thesaurus? :/ Hmm.
 I'll leave you with this picture! Hah, I think it's adorable. (:
Have a wonderful Sunday. I'll try not to be to lazy! I have Microbiology to do, so maybe I'll go start that...

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Friday, friday, friday

Get here faster! I need you. This weekend should be nice (: Haven't had one of these in a while. Woooo, no work (;
Remind me, I have to do homework this weekend! Ugh, I'm a little behind. That's okay though, I'll catch up Sunday.
I'll post more later, I promise!!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


I love days like this. The sun is shinning and I got to sleep in! Really, what is better than that?
One more day of school, and then it's the weekend! I like the sound of that. I've been thinking lately that I need to contribute more to, everything. I need to volunteer more, and get out and meet more people. I've been reading the book 1984, as you may know... but it's taking me forever. I need to step my game up!
Every time I see a new born baby, I get that feeling that I want one of my own... not going to happen anytime soon, let me just reassure you! My sister is going to have another baby! Another girl might I add. So, I'll get my baby fix when she arrives. (:
Soooooo excited.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011


I don't know what is wrong with me here? Today was my first day back to school after a much needed Spring Break. Lets just say I didn't touch one single book while I was on break... :/ it's bitting me in the butt.
Worth it though.

I need that shirt! Haha

All I have left to say is- I'm way pumped for this weekend! (:

Monday, March 21, 2011

I'm tired...

I'm sick and tired of pretending like I don't care. When in all reality I care more than I should. I'm tired of how things are. How long is this agony going to last?
I feel an super nova urge to blast music right now and tune everything out... I think I may just do that!

I'm also going to attempt to make a Tumblr. As I said before... follow me(:

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Spring Break-

With light showers and a good chance of snow... what kind of Spring Break is this? What kind of Spring is this? I'm craving a mass amount of vitamin D right now, and trust me I need it :/ my skin is lacking its bronze luster. Haha

Honestly, I feel totally uninspired to write on this blog lately... hopefully that will change soon!
I've just been super busy, and I've had better things to fill my time. I'm sorry blog, but it's true.
I bought some way cute fabric last night! I need to figure out what to do with it. But, I'm way thrilled to make something with it.
Reasons I love my job(s):

  1. When the residents tell me they love me
  2. Getting hugs
  3. Making residents smile
  4. When a residents calls me beautiful, when I feel crummy 
  5. Life lesson talks with residents
I feel in the cleaning mood. So, I'm going to go organize things and listen to Brand New! Then find something fun to do tonight! It's Spring Break and all (;

P.S. I think I'm going to make a Tumblr account. You better follow me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, March 14, 2011

What is worse than waiting?, NOTHING is worse! At least not at the moment. I'm not an impatient person, but the suspense is killing me.
Today is a great day! Woke up when I wanted. I know it is very peculiar, but even when I don't have to wake up at a certain time I still set my alarm. Really! Even if I have nothing to do for that day, I still set my alarm... I don't know why! I guess I just like the reassurance. Or I like knowing when I'm waking up. And, I usually set it for early in the morning. I'm an early bird, what can I say? (:
I cracked out my Brand New cd's this morning. Can I just say that is the best decision I've made in a very long time!!!! 

Random fact: I used to have a turtle. I seriously took that thing every where. It even bit my tongue... yeah, don't even ask how it did that. Haha
I'll possibly write more later? I have to go hurry and get ready!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Something new.

Something new, just what I need!! I wish that something new knew that it is my something new. I hate playing this game. I guess it's necessary though! 

I love this quote. If I ever got a tattoo, it would possibly be of this, but way cooler looking!
I'm having dinner at my brothers house today. I'm pretty dang excited, and I'm pretty hungry right about now... I have such a fast metabolism. IHATEIT.
1. I feel like a pig because I'm always eating
2. Even if I eat a lot, I'll still be hungry 30 minutes later
3. I can't gain weight
4. I usually feel hungry all the time
This weekend has been a thousand times better than last weekend! Thank goodness.
Oh, my California road trip got canceled.. ): So, if anyone else wants to go somewhere... let me know! Lol
I need to get away from here.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

I'd rather wake up beside you, and breath that familiar smell.

I have sometime to kill right now. I'm just chilling here at school, sitting on a abnormally comfy couch, and contemplating going to the Atrium Cafe down stairs... really, that's the name of it! We always seem to get out of class early when I have nothing to do. But, when my day is full of work and homework, then we get let out later than normal. I really think my professors plan against me to make me more stressed than normal. I love Thursdays. No work and no homework, unless I'm feeling really super motivated- which never happens. I do have work meetings today. I get paid for them though, so I gladly go to them. It's so noisy here in the Union building. I love it. (:
In a sick kind of way, I get mass amounts of pleasure from making people feel awkward. Why? Probably because in one way or another I have been in their situation. Haha. Sadly...

Remember how I openly commended my immune system, because I haven't gotten sick all winter... well, screw you immune system! I have a sore throat and a semi-stuffy nose. Ugh. I refuse to take any kind of antibiotics. My body will fight it off, and if it can't, then I'll just get weeded out. Survival of the fittest. I have such a hate for people that are a wast of space. I mean, some people don't do a thing to contribute to this world... yeah, they pay taxes and what not. I have such mixed up feelings on this though. I work in a nursing home and I see people that take a ton of medications, and they stay cooped up and don't do a thing. But then again, they have lived a full life and deserve to have the best care around. I don't know I just need to stop ranting about this, because it's making me more confused.
On to better thing, shall we?
Well, it's beautiful outside today. Nothing better than that!
Hah, my day has just been made. There are two guys downstairs that are volunteering at a Save a Child's Life Donation thing, and they are hilarious! They keep yelling at people who walk buy to save a child's life. One guys was like, "Oh, come on 50 cents and you can save a child's life, you were once a child."
Me being the realist that I am, I asked the following, "50 cents? How can that even amount to saving a child's life?" and then I said, "Do you take credit card?" Turns out they do not except credit card. If I had 50 cents I so would save a child's life. Sometimes I seem all bitter, but I'm really not! Lol
Well, I'm going to go to that cafe and get food. My plan is to ask for 5 dollars in cash, so I can save 10 children's lives. (:
I need to help people as much as I can. Good karma. Heaven only knows how much I need that.
Have a fabulous day. Go save a child's life too!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

It's not that I don't talk... It's just no one listens.

When people ask me how I am, I give short simple answers. In reality, I could fill a room with a response. I could go on for hours just talking and just being. But, no one listens and I essentially don't care for some person to know.
I need to get out of this place. To many memories. I need to get away. I want to move somewhere new so bad. I wake up everyday, feeling like I should be somewhere else. Nothing is here for me anymore. I lost my only anchor that was keeping me here in this forsaken place. Now, it's gone, and it hates my existence. It kills me to think that. I'm not running from my problems, I'm shyly just going to except them and move on. Like, a million miles away move on.
In Microbiology today, I pretty much just listened to music... well, that's all I basically did. :/
I look at it this way- my professor teaches out of the book, right? Well, he SUCKS. So, I'll just teach myself from my book. I did pay over 100 dollars for that dang thing, might as well use it.
If I wasn't so sleepy right now, then I'd keep writing. Goooood night.
6 more days until I road trip to California! Let me know of fun, relatively cheap things to do while I'm there!

Monday, March 7, 2011


How do you prove you're truly sorry to someone you care for, when they hate your guts and don't want to talk to you...
I'd do anything to prove I'm deeply sorry. 
I tried so hard to get back what I lost so long ago, I feel like an absolute idiot for waiting around for so long. Do you blame me though? I loved them and truth is... I would have waited forever if I had to. Pretty pathetic, I know. I posted this a while ago, but I think it is the best description of love.

When we claim that it’s love that we have for someone, are we correct? Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is your voice caught within your chest? It is not love, it’s like. You can’t keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right? It’s not love, it’s lust. Are you proud and eager to show them off? It’s not love, it’s luck. Do you want them because you know they’re there? It’s not love, it’s loneliness. Are you there because it’s what everyone wants? It’s not love, it’s loyalty. Are you there because they kissed you or held your hand? It’s not love, it’s low confidence. Do you stay for their confessions of love because you don’t want to hurt them? It’s not love, it’s pity. Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat? It’s not love, it’s infatuation. Do you pardon their faults because you care about them? It’s not love, it’s friendship. Do you tell them everyday they are the only one you think of? It’s not love, it’s a lie. Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake? It’s not love, it’s charity. Does your heart ache and break when they’re sad? Then it’s love. Do you cry for their pain, even when they’re strong? Then it’s love. Do their eyes see your true heart and touch your soul so deeply it hurts? Then it’s love. Do you stay because blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls you close and holds you there? Then it’s love. Do you accept their faults because they are a part of who they are? Then it’s love. Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret? Then it’s love. Would you allow them to leave you not because they want to but because they have to? Then it’s love. Would you give them your heart, your life, your death? Then it’s love. If love is painful and tortures us, why do we love? Why is it that’s all we search for in life?

Really though, love is what everyone searches for in life. All anybody wants is to be loved and to love

This weekend really has been horrible. Today was just the icing on the cake... ):

Saturday, March 5, 2011

I need this..

This is good... I need this. This is what I need. I'll find out who I am and what I really want. But, I already know who I am and I know what I want. I guess this will just reassure myself... right?
Okay, I hate this... I don't want this. I don't need this. **SIGH** Why do I mess everything good up?

Next craft project:

Make a shirt like this. Maybe with the lace on the top? We'll see(:  This has been one of the most boring weekends i've had in a very long time.. next weekend will be much better! Going to Salt Lake with my bestie Momo (aka, Morgan) love that lady!!
Oh, then I'm going on a road trip to California the next weekend after that!! Spring Break, I'm ready for you.

Friday, March 4, 2011




Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

-Bob Marley

NOTE: I want to name one of my children Marley. I don't really listen to Mr. Marley... but I love his quotes and the way he thinks.

Swimming 101.

I'm starting summer off by getting this swimsuit... I have a deep confession to make! Well, um, uh, I don't know how to swim. Yes, you read correctly. I do NOT know how to swim. Don't get me wrong, I can doggy paddle, and I guess I kind of know how to swim... but I'm just not very good at it. Like at all.

Note: Don't mind if I seem not myself for a while... this month slash forever is going to be difficult. I have a feeling it's going to be long.

This is for respect for mustache March. (: Make yourself a stupendous Friday.


Remember that comforter I was in love with? Well, I finally just ordered it. I love it.
May I just say that it has a odd smell to it... that dang new smell. Don't judge me, but I didn't wash the comforter or the sheets before I put them on my bed.. do you blame me? I was just toooo excited to put them on my bed that I didn't have time to wash them. I will Sunday when I do my laundry. But, for the time being, I will just bask in the smell- even though it kind of makes me feel sick. Hah. Oh well. (:
Another weird thing I did. I ordered it in a queen size, so when I get married I can use it. Yeah, I'm that weird! Note: my bed currently is a twin... but I still managed to make it work!

Next big purchase:
 I need something to get me around, because these gas prices are killing my wallet. I think the coy fish are quite fitting for me (;

Thursday, March 3, 2011

I've seen better days.

I've got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes, hate in my heart, and love on my mind.

Today, I haven't really existed... I walked around lethargically and incoherent to everything around me, just listening to music and wishing I was anywhere but where I was, or where I am at the moment... basically just anywhere but here. Some guy asked me if I was "ok"... What the? I know my hair is a mess, my make was smugged on, my eyes are blood shot, and my clothes aren't matching, but really? Do I really look that bad? Maybe I shouldn't have slept past my alarm this morning :/
Should I be worried when I have to remind myself to breath... sometimes I think so deep and hard that I find myself subconsciously holding my breath. I have come to the conclusion that I'm going into hibernation! Wake me up when this nightmare is over with. Please, and thank you.


Please reassure me that LIFE GOES ON... I'm tired of waiting for nothing, I'm tired of being a regret, and I'm sure as heck tired of hurting individuals that I love. Love is to strong of a word for some... so I'll put "care for" instead.
Why does bad news come in pairs? And why do I always find myself in the same spot as I started?
I need sleep but I can't seem to grasp a hold of it. As I drove home tonight, I wished that I could just keep driving and never stop. NEVER! Not even for red lights. Haha Kidding(:
Sometimes I wish I had someone that I could just complain to. But, I realize that nobody cares what other people have to say, so that's why I made a blog, ha. They only care if it's about them, or if you're talking about them. That's why I acquired the ability to shut my mouth and listen. Man, my brain is a complete and utter mess.
The best nights of sleep I have ever gotten have been while I was sleeping under the stars. Wish I could right now... but currently it is raining.

To Do:

  • Change car oil
  • Try to submit late Microbiology homework
  • Go into work and get my device
  • Read
  • Get my priorities figured out

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Happy Birthday!!!!

Happy Birthday to the lady that has loved me no matter what. Happy Birthday to the lady that is the most caring person I know (other than me (; but it's not my Birthday, so I won't go into detail ha). Happy Birthday to the lady that at times feels like she is the only one that really loves and worries about me. Happy Birthday to the lady that texts with her pointer finger (use your thumbs Mom). And last but not least, Happy Birthday to the lady that has put up with me for 19 cold hard years. (: Happy Birthday, Mommy. 
Yes, it is in fact my Mom's Birthday! I would state her age, but I think I would be beaten to death if I did.

Is it weird that whenever someone asks me how old I am, I always say 18... and then I quickly correct myself and say 19. Yeah, I get some pretty weird looks! I don't know why I persist to say I'm 18. :/
Along with that, on my to work today, I noticed it was a few degrees warmer than usual... I kind of wanted it to be cold- not warm!! Is something wrong with me? Really? Maybe once it warms up more then I'll "warm" up to the idea of warm weather. Hah, okay I'm not funny. MOVING ON TO MORE IMPORTANT AREAS...
Embarrassing moment of the day:
Me, listening to music, me tuning everyone out with my music (when I listen to music, it just makes people more tolerable), me going to class, get to class, sit down, listen to some more music, teacher enters, me taking out my headphones, everyone is quiet, my headphones get unplugged on accident, my phone is blasting music, my phone is blasting Suicide Silence- No Pity For a Coward, me frantically trying to turn it off, everyone glaring at me like I'm the devil, me smiling shyly and turning it off.
(This actually isn't the first time this has happened, I don't know why it always happens when I'm listening to metal music)...
I'm in awe by this. (: Good thing I bought it!
Gosh, I'm going to bed... today nothing exhilarating has happened. Bring on tomorrow! Night, I promise I'll write more some other time. When I feel more inspired. My brain has just been mush lately. Just ask my professor, I almost called him Mom the other day- I don't want to talk about that though, my dignity has been damaged enough already.